the weight of it all...

i'm writing this post as I am eating a handful of dark chocolate M-n-M's...yummm.

yesterday, i was at work and i got an e-mail from the mag house dietitian asking me if i was coming to my appointment. i had completely forgotten that i scheduled one with her, and figured that given recent events, she wasn't going to hold that appointment for me anyway. i e-mailed her back and told her i wasn't going to come see her because i didn't think i was allowed to, but she responded and told me that she would see me one last time so that i didn't have to go a week without seeing someone and so we could have a closing type session, as well.
Of course, part of my outpatient dietitian sessions include the weekly weigh-in. I had previously slipped out of my weight range while still living in mag house, so I was nervous about what the scale would say. I held my breath and waited while I watched her face. She said, "good!" Turns out, after everything that happened, and the abrupt leaving of mag house and loss of support, I managed to get myself back in my weight range! It's pretty big news because I've never been able to get back into my weight range once I've slipped out on an outpatient basis. And I felt really good about being back in it, as well.
I got to update her on how the week had been. I've been doing really well. No behaviors, low body image thoughts, managing my stress well, following my meal plan and managed to keep my weight up. I think I've shocked everyone by doing well, because they all expected me to turn to shit after being kicked out and after the chain of events that happened last Tuesday. They even went as far as calling my mother and telling her I should move home to Florida and not live alone. Now, I'm moving into my own apartment, and I officially got a puppy! I'm also working full time hours and so far so good. I'm physically exhausted but I think I will get used to that.

I don't know...I think something just clicked finally. Maybe I needed some space and distance. Or maybe I just needed my life to look a little different for once. Who knows. All I know is that I really want things to stay like this. Okay, okay. I'm realistic and know they won't always be good, but I know I'm stubborn and strong and a fighter and now I know I can make it through just about anything.

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