for anyone who may be discussing me or things i write with others behind my back:
in no way is this blog written with unhealthy motivations. it was started in the spring of 2010 to chronicle my journey towards recovery. for anyone who is not familiar with recovery from an eating disorder, it is a long an exhausting process that often involves a series of victories and setbacks, steps forward and steps backward, peaks and valleys, all with a undeniable desire to push through and get well, to get better. it is not easy, it is not glamorous, and it does not often happen overnight. it can take years, and no two people's recoveries will look the same. i apologize if you started reading expecting to hear about a miracle, because i am far from a miracle. i am, however, still alive...that may or may not be a miracle. if what i write does not meet your standards or you find it offensive, then please, by all means, cease reading. this is, after all, my space to express myself and you are not obligated to glue your eyes to this page and read line by line the words that i write. that is, by definition, your choice.
i will acknowledge that recovery has been harder over the past few months but i have remained optimistic and hopeful that i have the ability to turn things around. i have tried my best to remain generally vague in the things i write simply because the way in which i write best usually involves analogies. i tend to use anaolgies to relate recovery to things that non-eating disordered people can understand. i also do my very best to include things i need to be working on and ways in which i can do things different in most of my blog posts. if this is bothersome to you then i suggest you take a look at your own issues.
lastly, please, please stop talking about me behind my back. if you have an issue with me, my writing, or something i have said, then confront me directly. it's not that hard. you obviously know who i am and are a part of my life, so call me or text me or meet up with me. let's discuss it personally rather than third partying it. i'd really appreciate that. i shouldn't have to feel paranoid that what i write is going to be scrutinized by others that i know every time i add something new simply because it makes you uncomfortable. that just isn't fair to me.
anyway, that is all i had to say.
i by no means want this to come across as mean. i simply want everyone to know that there are no unhealthy intentions behind this blog, nor will there ever be. it is simply an outlet for me and allows me to hone in on my writing abilities while expressing my thoughts, and if someone has an issue with that then please contact me directly versus talking about me to others first.
thanks.
All the best Leah Beth, will be thinking of you and I'm sorry that you've had to experience this. I don't know you in person, but it's really been a privledge to get to know you a bit! Thanks again for sharing.
ReplyDeletePeople will talk when you're a train wreck. And FYI, you're not in "recovery" right now, what you're doing is called yet another relapse. I wonder what would've happened if you ever put any effort into just one of your many treatment stints?
ReplyDeletethanks for your input. i think the effort i put into my "many treatment stints" proved to be effective when i continued to get more and more time out of treatment between each one. please, for the sake of everyone, educate yourself on the recovery process. it isn't an overnight thing and most people aren't "cured" after one 3 week stay in treatment, as was my case. you don't know my story, so don't even pretend like you do. and you don't have any right to call me a train wreck because i am far from a train wreck. for me to have maintained composure as long as i have shows a lot of strength, actually. i think hiding behind anonymity is more of a weakness than me admitting that i am struggling at the moment but doing things to fix that. and don't pretend for a second that i don't know who it was that did all the talking, either. because i do.
ReplyDeletei honestly can't believe someone would view your blog/stance on recovery as anything but honest and inspirational. seriously, i haven't read many other things about recovery that describe it as truthfully and eloquently as you do. i think your determination to beat this disease is admirable, and that you should be proud of yourself for taking any and all steps to protect the unbelievably difficult process of recovery. you're awesome leah beth!!! keep up the amazing work <3
ReplyDeletethank you, michelle! that really means a lot to me. i'm going to guess that it goes beyond just a simple issue with my blog to something much more personal but i could be totally wrong. in any case, i will continue to write and share and talk my way through recovery because i find that writing is by far the best outlet for me in terms of getting things out and helping to move me along. thank you for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Michelle. I think that your blog is one of the best/most recovery oriented- well rounded blogs I've ever read. Even with your struggles you still have hope and insight and are honest and real without adding additional unnecessary details ( how many hours you work out, weight loss, calories etc). Have you been able to directly speak to this individual or whoever it is that is saying these things to you? That might be a bit more helpful than just writing it out on here but good for you for using your voice regardless :)!
ReplyDeleteHi, my name is Kaitlyn. And I just wanted to tell you that you and this blog are my inspiration. We all have struggles and whatnot, ups and downs in recovery, but no one should think worse of you because of it. I think you are doing great from what I read on here. You inspired me to write my own blog! Anyway, thank you for having the courage to come and right about your journey. Because for all of the other people who read this with eating disorders it is a comfort.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and prayers,
Kaitlyn
Ok first of all Leah- i am SOOO proud of you for using your voice. I never really met you but we are all recovery sisters and are in this together. Secondly, I wouldn't be reading this if it was filled with unhealthy motivations and whatnot...it CLEARLY IS NOT!!! If it was I would tell you. Thirdly, you are making progress. You inspire me to keep going as I was once where you were and it lets me know that I had the courage to fight like you and though it is a lot easier for me now and Ed isn't with me every day that I still have to fight for it to be this way. You are amazing. Keep fighting and stay strong. Don't let others get to you (it's hard). As for Anonymous #2-SHUT UP and Educate yourself. You have NO RIGHT to JUDGE others! IF you don't have any supportive or constructive comments don't say anything at all.
ReplyDeleteHey LB, I just wanted to say I agree with Michelle and the others who have commented below her. You are NOT a train wreck, not even close to. I've been a train wreck before, I think we all have at some point in our lives, but you are soooo far from being that. Also, your blog is really wonderful. I LOVE reading it. You talk about things that I don't think about on a day-to-day basis, but very important things to think about! Honestly, your blog is very eye opening. I find it refreshing to hear the honest truth from you. Anyone who is in recovery knows that it is full or triumphs and slips; its a winding and bumpy road. So please, who ever wrote the nasty comment above and is taking behind Leah's back, take your childish behavior else where. If you really found this so appaling, then why would you waste your time reading it? Ignorance is not wanted here, so please find find somewhere that wants it. Keep your head up Leah, I'm really pround of you! Also, very blessed to have such a wonderful role model like you. <3
ReplyDeleteMolly
Hi LB, I am proud of you and the steps you are taking, as well as the openness and "real-ness" of your blog. Keep your head up and your heart in the fight!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Melissa