Curiousity got me, so I went back to August 28th, 2011 to see what I was blogging about. It's amazing how reading it could bring me to tears. Here are some excerpts from this day in 2011:
"Yea, I pretty much just love life right now. Even if things aren't always great, I'm learning to love where I am in life, and learning to love this crazy journey I am on. Being an adult has always been scary for me. In a way, I feel like I grew up way before my time in terms of some of the things I went through and how my world views were shattered pretty early on, yet other times I feel like I'm not really an adult, even though I am 26 years old. I needed this move to show me that I can be an adult, I can be responsible."
"I'm starting to feel alive again, which is a great thing. I'm realizing now all of the things I missed out on"
"I am truly experiencing life"
"There is just too much I want to do with my life and too many things I enjoy that I am not willing to give up or let go of again. It's a great feeling to actually want life. Who knew I'd ever get here?!"
So yea, it wasn't a perfect year and I did fall backwards, which I couldn't predict at the time. I've since learned that for me, my recovery may look more like some setbacks amidst a series of really good times. I am just going to have to learn how to manage that. However, what I gained from looking back at this is that there once was a time when I could actually say that I was living, experiencing things, feeling passionate, and craving life. Lately, I've been struggling to see The Point Of It All. I don't know what my purpose is and life feels more daunting than enjoyable. In times like these, it becomes easy for me to forget that there have ever been good days. How can I forget when I wrote about them in black and white, documented them to remember always? If I was happy once, it has to be possible to become happy again, right? I know it will take time, but I have to remember that it is something worth fighting for.
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