the one with the groceries...

it has just been one of those days.
my emotions have been all over the place and i'm not sure exactly what i'm feeling, or why i'm feeling the gammut of emotions of i am, but it is making me a crazy mess.
i had the day off from work today so i made a quick run to target this morning where i left with a bag full of nothing i actually intended on purchasing and didn't get anything i actually did go to the store for. story of my life. nonetheless, target is always a fun store for me, so i spent quite some time milling around the stationary isles and peering at the kitchen gadgets, planning out my future home all the while. after wasting away half the morning i ran to my dietitian appointment...always grand times. we came up with some new ways to get things into my mealplan and got a game plan going, and prepared some for next week, the big Turkey Day. i will be spending thanksgiving here, most likely alone, which is not all bad as i have a meal planned to cook for myself and will probably catch a movie sometime on thursday. hopefully i can get some schoolwork done, too. i've got to get moving with that or else those deadlines are going to sneak right up on me. anyway, after i got done with my appointment i ran by michael's to purchase some yarn and a new crochet hook...way to use those skills, right? i decided that it had been far too long since i last crocheted so i shoud probably refresh myself. definitely glad i did. i'm already like four rows in :) what an expensive hobby though. after michael's i stopped by reasor's to pick up some groceries while i was feeling the drive to do so. i got everything i needed that i could get at reasor's and had it packed up in two brown bags. on my drive home i happened to see a young, homeless woman standing in the median holding a sign that said "homeless, need help." she was wrapped in a blanket and shivering. let me just tell you, today it got cold here. it was colder today than it has been in a while, so i know that she had to be cold, even if she was just "faking it" (yes, i get skeptical from time to time.) normally, i just pass right by without really thinking twice but for some reason today, with this woman, i couldn't take my eyes off her. the red light seemed to last forever and i just stared. i was two lanes over from the turn lane so it wasn't easily accesible for me to get to her, but i found myself looking around my car to see what all i had. i had some jackets but right as i spotted my jacket i saw a man roll down his window and hand her a coat, which she immediately put on and thanked him profusely. my heart began to break and the tears started to flood my eyes and i realized that i had just gone grocery shopping. yes, it was all stuff that i needed for myself and for my meal plan. yes, it was money spent that i had worked for. sure, she may have not actually been homeless...but who was i to know for sure? all i knew was that i had two separate bags of groceries in back seat and a very small window of time to make a decision. i pulled my car to the left across two empty lanes and stopped in the turn lane on a green arrow, grabbed the first bag i could reach without looking in it to see what it contained and opened the door to hand it to her. she made eye contact with me, thanked me, and then i had to drive. i hadn't even made it through the light before i burst into tears. my heart just broke. it broke for her, and for the look in her eyes. it broke for the fact that she appreciated something that i so very often take for granted (food)...it broke thinking about the fact that i might have very well left those groceries sitting on the shelf to mold or expire and how sad that is. i just sobbed and started apologizing. i'm not even sure what i was apologizing for...and i wasn't directing my apologies at anyone, obviously, but i was apologizing for my life and the way i've lived it. i'm not really sure what happened today on the roadside but it affected me. it broke my heart in a way that everyday ordinary things couldn't. and maybe that is what i've been needing. i'm not saying that was some kind of revelation, but i am saying that from time to time things like that help to keep me in check with the world, with my world. they help to keep my life in perspective. and they help me to stay appreciative.
the rest of the night was good. went to dinner with my roommates and got 3.00 burgers and sweet potato fries. yummy. my stomach is making all kinds of noises now but it was worth it ;)
well, i'm off to continue my crocheting quest.
sleep well, dear friends.