letting go and moving on...

It's one of those things that people say, you can't move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow. - grey's anatomy

when do you know it's time to move on? when do you know you've had enough and gotten all you can out of something and the time is right to let it go and just move past it? the letting go, though painstaking and excruciating, is the easy part in a sense. the moving on is the hardest part. i've done the letting go, now i have to move on. i was stuck, with my feet in the quicksand of my past, needing something to catapult me forward, to force me to move on. i've finally gotten what i need. i got the reassurance that i can do life without the caudling of an outpatient team/outpatient groups. i know how to follow a meal plan and maintain my weight and reach out when i need support. i don't need people there 24/7 telling me what to do and how to do it. if i haven't learned it by now, i doubt i ever will. plus, i'm tired of putting my trust in people who will inevitably disappoint and fail me, so it is easier and less messy to do it alone anyway. it may sound like i'm giving up or making a stupid decision, but for me it really is moving on. i've been in active therapy for 14 years now, and maybe what i need is some time away from all of this. maybe i need to try this for myself and see how things go. i can always start back up with people if i fall flat on my face, but i will never know if i don't try.
so, i'm letting go and moving on. i'm done with treatment and i'm done with living my life around appointments and providers and little pieces of paper. i'm ready to try out normal life and see how it goes. it's painful, and i will miss the people that helped me the most, but cutting ties and moving on is the best thing i can do right now for myself and my wellbeing.

we'll see how this goes.