reservation for 1, please.

"Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event --big or small, something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to."

though 2011 was not a year for the record books, it also was not one of the worst years i have had. yet each year as i stand around amidst a crowd of people anxiously awaiting the clock to strike midnight, i wonder why it takes until december 31st at precisely midnight to begin thinking about making changes in my life. why not start today, or a month from now, or in august, or on any given day that i realize that change needs to occur? who decided that january 1st was going to be the day for change? i guess it is because we can all come together as one and celebrate the passing of the old and entrance of the new and toast out the hardships and toast in the hopes.
i may have waited around for january 1st to be my marker of change this year, my grantor of permission to myself to begin making changes, but i will not stop striving for change throughout the year like i have in past years. i will not make resolutions this year - i will make reservations...for life. and i will show up for my scheduled reservation, on time. and i will continue to hold on to the hope that things can and will be different this year. the entrance of a new year always creates a sense of fresh starts and new beginnings for most everyone but why not carry that sense of freshness with me throughout the entire year. what difference could that possibly make in life? could it help carry me positively? it sure is worth a try.

so as 2011 has come and gone (much faster than i would like, mind you) i would like to note some of the happiest moments and memories of the year in photo :)

                                                  (Nashville to celebrate 1 year of recovery)

                                               (Getting to see some good friends in Nash)

                                                  (Dad's 60's party for his 60th birthday)

                                               (Mom and I at Charlotte's baby shower)

                                                    (Father's Day dinner at Flemming's)

                                          (Dinner at Opa's with my loves from summer classes)

                                   (loving the roses from Ecuador at the nicest wedding of the year)

                                             (Being healthy enough to run some road races)

                                    (by far the best moment of the year, my nephew being born!)

                                                      (holding baby andrew in my arms!)

                                                           (celebrating my 26th birthday!)

                                     (making the move to tulsa and getting to see amazing friends!)

                                                       (halloween...enough said, haha!)

                                       (finally getting to be the outdoors girl i like to be and hike!)

                         (spending time with my roommate and ice skating for the first time in years!)

                                      (getting to see my nephew for the first time since he was born)

                                                    (loving on this sweet little boy of mine!)

                                                       (spending christmas with my family)

                                          (had to throw this in...getting my k-cup brewer!)

                                              (saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new!)

                                   (spending time with friends and celebrating another passing year)

i don't like to make resolutions as i tend to feel guilty when i can't keep them or they are too perfectionistic or unhealthy so this year i'm setting some goals and if i actually meet them, great...if not, then i can roll them on over into the next year. but my first and foremost goal is to get healthy and stay healthy, and to learn how to love myself in the process...the rest are as follows.

1) get healthy and stay healthy.

2) save up enough money to pay for my own trip somewhere.

3) learn how to be okay with just being.

4) run another road race by the end of the year.

5) finish the book i am writing.

6) declutter some areas of my life.

7) try to be less judgemental of myself and of others.

8) watch my tongue and control what i say.

9) work on my spiritual life.

10) be a friend to everyone just as i would want someone to be a friend to me.

11) learn how to cut loose and have a little fun.

12) let someone love me this year.

i plan to add on as i see fit, but i think this is a good start for now.

and so far so good. i started off this january 1st with a nice, big mug of freshly bewed coffee and a late start to my morning that included working some on my book, letting my guard down enough to open up my heart a little and let someone in, and i began to let go of some resentments i've been holding onto recently. i'd say that is a pretty good start to this brand new day.

no resolutions...and not really goals, just things i'd like to work towards if i get the time and energy to do so. no pressure, no perfection.

only one reservation, and that is for life. party of 1, to arrive promptly at now.

happy 2012.