we all think we know people, right?
we all believe that what someone says is the truth.
okay, maybe we all don't believe that but i do.
i'd like to think that i can take what people say as face value but this is not the case. i have learned this through my own experiences of saying one thing but doing another and also having people tell me one thing but then their actions don't depict what they just got done talking about.
i get so drained listening to people say, "oh i am doing so well," or "i'm really working to turn things around" when they go and do the same old stuff and don't even give it a fair shot, or you see them in person or in pictures and it is obvious that they aren't doing as well as they said they were. it gets utterly confusing to have to sift out the truth from all the other bullshit. i want to believe that what people say is the truth but most of the time, it isn't the complete truth. why do we feel the need to sugarcoat everything. what if everyone just got honest. maybe if we all got honest we could get over our vices instead of attempting to mask what is really going on. don't get me wrong, i am preaching to the choir...i am just as guilty of doing this as the next person, but what if we all just got REAL? maybe then we could move on with our lives.
just a thought.
on another note, i went out last night with a friend from high school and may have endulged in some plum wine, haha. but it was nice to just get out and actually feel like a 25 year old, even if it was only for a few hours. i miss being with others my age and going out to have fun and let loose. i feel like i missed out on so much of my childhood and adolescence, even my early twenties, that i should be making up all that lost time...definitely not letting the time i have now just waste away. it's crazy how okay i have become with isolating myself since leaving laureate. i knew coming back that i didn't have much of a network at all, but didn't realize just how comfortable this state of isolation could become. now, it is that much harder for me to get out and do things because i have this intense anxiety...almost like i have forgotten how to socialize. trust me, socializing has never been a problem for me, until recently. now, i feel panicky just thinking about having to branch out and meet new people. i have to figure out some way to get over that so that i can get moving with my life and not stay stuck.
speaking of a network...i started back with the dietitian yesterday. it was a very productive appointment. we are starting a new meal plan to see if that helps ease some of my anxiety, and she also wants me to get some bloodwork done to check the thyroid, insulin and iron levels, and my hormone levels. friday i have an appointment with a new therapist. i am really hoping that we can click and that she will be a good fit for me. she is also covered under insurance which makes a world of difference. i also scheduled a psychiatrist appointment with a totally new psychiatrist, Dr. Gold, for March 15th. i know it's a month away, but i am hoping the month will go by fast. i am just grateful to have some appointments set up, finally! we'll see how they go.
well, that is about it.
<3 LB
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