new job, new stress, new challenges...

hello, darlings :)
well, what a week.
my first week at the branch flew by!
today was my first day working out of my very own teller drawer, which was anxiety provoking but also exciting, too. i felt like a real bank teller today. not going to lie, it is exhausting to be on my feet for that long, as i'm not used to standing all day. overall, i'm enjoying the job. the only downside is that i don't get a lunch break/dinner break (depending on the shift) so it makes it hard to get in all of my exchanges consistently throughout the day. what happened this week was that i ended up having to cram down all of my lunch, PM snack, dinner and HS snack exchanges between 4pm and bedtime. it ended up feeling more like a binge than enjoyable eating. it definitely makes getting in all of my exchanges difficult, to say the least.
activity wise, i've been pretty moderate lately! i've managed to find more enjoyable ways to exercise, such as biking and walking the trails, versus running on a treadmill constantly. it varies up my routine and helps me not get too bored or obsessive.
moods.
well, that is a whole different ball game. i've been lucky and haven't had a severe depressive episode in months, but what i failed to notice while trying to be aware of any depression creeping back in is that i'm having a hard time sitting still, resting, and not constantly doing something. i feel like i can just go and go and go. my body is physically exhausted but my energy level doesn't seem to drop when i get tired. someone asked me, jokingly, if i was manic. i definitely think i'm on the other end of the spectrum.
all is great and well, right?
not really. my periods of energy and liveliness and no sleep usually end with a crash. i've been feeling such a sense of energy for at least a month that it just seemed normal. and i thought it was, until today. thankfully, i didn't crash hard but i've definitely hit the ground. the depression is sinking in, the hopelessness about my future (how on earth am i going to afford nursing school? why even bother applying?) and the sudden lack of energy. i hate the extremes. i feel much more comfortable residing somewhere in the middle.
i guess i should make a psych appointment, since i've yet to do that in the time that i've been in tulsa. not only will i eventually need current medication refills but it would be nice to have someone to talk to about the moods. i don't know why i constantly procrastinate one thing and not another, but making the doctors appointment is something i've been procrastinating, along with various other things. i'm going to do it, though. monday.
body image is bleh. i've been feeling pretty uncomfortable in my skin. maybe it is because i feel like i'm crawling out of my skin, or maybe it's because i still have issues with what i see in the mirror. i'm doing the very best i can to combat the bad body image, like wearing shorts when i hate my legs, or wearing a tank top when i think my arms look flabby. remuda taught me to "act opposite." essentially, they taught me to do the thing i least want to do, as it would be challenging and eventually rewarding. not sure i see the reward yet, but i can definitely feel the challenge. needless to say, i'm continuing to press on toward the goal.
so, that kind of sums up my week. sorry, i've been super busy, otherwise i'd have updated sooner.
hope everyone has a safe and wonderful saturday night.
loves.