16 months...

today marks 16 months in recovery.
each month, on the 4th, i find myself again amazed at the way my life has unfolded and the journey that i have traveled. it always leaves me with a sense of accomplishment, and also an unfettered sense of motivation and hope. i find myself continually humbled when thinking back about how i got here today and how many people have helped me along the way.
and i am grateful.
i'm grateful for the people in my life, the new opportunities, but most importantly i am grateful for second chances, even when i don't deserve them. things aren't always great, in fact most days in recovery are spent simply feeling okay, but i will take okay over the hell i was trapped in anyday.
i went walking with two of my friends this afternoon and we got to talking about the church sermons we heard this morning at our various churches. my pastor spoke on amazing grace, and at the conclusion of his sermon he said "God did not choose you in spite of your weaknesses, He chose you because of your weaknesses." it brought us so much hope to think that our struggles and trials and times spent hurting and broken are all part of His master plan and how, like with Paul, He has chosen to take the "worst of the worst" to display His abundant love, patience, and mercy. i often find myself wondering how on earth He could use my past, my tainted past, for anything good. but he can and he does...which is so exciting!
i was reminded in our conversations while walking that nothing about me or my past is wasted. God can use every aspect of it for His purposes.
so today, 16 months after taking the first steps toward recovery, i find renewed hope and motivation. i feel stronger and am reminded that it took a lot of hard work to get here and will continue to take hard work to maintain this recovery, but that it doesn't have to be perfect.
recovery is so worth it, even on the "okay" days...don't ever forget that :)