it has been a LONG day.
i worked from 1-8, though i didn't end up leaving until 8:30 because we were so abnormally busy. i enjoy work and like the people i work with, but today was a tough day. it was the first not-so-great day and i ended up leaving feeling stressed, tired, and frustrated.
first off, when working a 7-7.5 hour shift, a break should be mandated. yet, i didn't get a break. not even a 10 minute break to rest my feet. mondays and fridays at the bank are always the busiest days of the week, as they are big deposit and paycheck days, but this monday was particularly busy. we had non-stop traffic flow in both the lobby and the drive thru and happened to be short staffed by one, so it left us each to do more work. i've been pretty good about getting my transactions completed correctly and staying in balance but today the business had me pretty anxious and i ended up doing a make change transaction backwards. nothing major and nothing that i couldn't go back and fix, but i got yelled at for doing it backwards. my supervisor proceeded to say "why do you ALWAYS do this?!" in a very short, very exasperated tone. i know that she had been there all day and was already exhausted from the constant work, and was stressed about being left short handed so she lost her temper with me. i can see her perspective and understand where she was coming from, i still got my feelings hurt. afterall, i had never made that kind of mistake before so her phrasing felt unwarranted. i work hard and i aim to do my work correctly, and my gosh i am in my second week of working out of my own teller drawer. i'm going to make mistakes. i know all of this yet i still felt like i was going to burst into tears. maybe it was because i was already overwhelmed and stressed from it being so busy or maybe it was hormones, or maybe it was the fact that i am a perfectionist and hate to do anything wrong let alone disappoint someone. needless to say, i was a little flustered after that and began to feel super stressed and paranoid about my work and whether or not i was doing things correctly. i love the fast paced nature of the job and though it is a stressful job i do enjoy it. i just hate days like today when work just sucks and i feel like nothing i do is ever good enough. i'm sure tomorrow will be better though.
on a totall random note, my roommate (my third roommate and friend) is getting home in less than an hour from a 6 week euro/lebanon traveling escapade and i so cannot wait. we are both in recovery and will be very good supports for each other. we are also both in similar spots right now so having her here to help me stay accountable will be wonderful. not to mention, she is going to cook all of her delish lebanese recipes for me...nom nom. i just can't wait for her to get back and for us to be roommates in the same country, haha.
body image is still kind of rough, though slowly getting better now that i'm nearing the end of my period. i hate this time of the month because regardless of how far along in my recovery i may be, it still manages to screw with me. i can think about all the logic of water retention and such but to actually believe it during that week each month seems impossible. so yea, body image is slowly getting somewhat better. i see my dietitian tomorrow, so we will see what she has to say. i'm ready to see my therapist on thursday. i cancelled our last appointment to try and save some money, so now i feel like i have lots and lots to say to her this week.
otherwise, i'm doing pretty well. moods seem to have stablized out some, though not as optimistic as i prefer, haha. but at least i'm not so up and down. i think that might have been hormonal. i've got a pretty busy week ahead of me, but i keep reminding myself that busy means money and money means fun ;) plus, i'd rather be busy than bored any day.
guess that is about it. hope everyone is doing well!
<3
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