so i've been in a bit of a funk the past few days and i'm not really sure what it is all about. i know i'm feeling pretty alone these days, but more than just feeling socially lonely. i feel this emptiness inside, like something is missing. i know i'm in that limbo stage of life right now where i'm finishing up prerequsites and waiting to apply/get into nursing school, which leaves me feeling kind of directionless at the moment, but i think it goes deeper than that. i've had an amazing run with recovery and at first i was feeling the "high" from suddenly being happy and healthy...but the new always wears off, and now i feel like it is back to just doing the day to day and making it through. i need to find something new to add a little excitement to my life again. don't get me wrong, each day that i wake up with my health and my life is an incredibly exciting thing, and i love it. i just get bored easily i guess, and need something to provide a new sense of excitement...at least temporarily. i'm still applying for jobs, though no one has returned calls or called me for an interview. i need a job because i'm really needing some income. i've also got travel plans this summer, one of which is going to tulsa to speak at family week, so those things keep me going and give me something to look forward to. i think i just need a new hobby ;) preferably one that is active, as i sit in class and sit doing homework and frankly, i'm tired of sitting. i'd love to do more rock climbing here at our indoor gym but i have no one that can ever go to belay. i loved being out on the water and kayaking and all, but again, i'm limited on people to take. any suggestions for fun hobbies that are active and i could potentially do alone? i love ideas :)
i just need to find that old zest again, and soon.
now, i do really miss my friends. it is hard to have such long distance relationships, yet those are my primary relationships right now. when i left graduate school i lost touch with basically everyone. i lost some amazing friends and feel so disconnected from them and their lives. i left a piece of my heart in hattiesburg and i can't get it back. i spent almost two years in tulsa, developing some incredibly fulfulling relationships, and ended up moving back to orlando. as it often is with long distance relationships, i've lost touch with several people, and those i have kept in touch with i feel as though the gap is getting bigger and bigger and we are communicating less and less. i left a piece of my heart in tulsa, too. i often wonder how it is that people can stay in touch with so many people throughout their lives and i can't seem to hold on that long. i wish i could just pack everyone up with me wherever i go. i guess photos and songs and memories will have to do.
speaking of packing up, i'm so ready to pack up and start nursing school and begin a new chapter of my life. i know i need to practice patience, but it's application time these days and i'm itching to get to day one. i've got several schools i'm looking into but of course location and finances will play a role in my decision. regardless, it is fun looking at all the different programs.
other than that, all is well. just finishing up another week of summer school and more than ready for it to be done!
have a wonderful night :)
<3
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