whew! it has been a whirlwind few days and i am just now getting a chance to sit down and breathe. not only have i been busy with school, but i've also been busy with LIFE. yes, that is right - i've been enjoying the perks of this thing called life lately, and let me tell you that it has been so much fun. the last time i had this much fun with friends was back at laureate, so getting a taste of fun and friendship outside of those walls is different, yet very exciting. i met some girls through my microbio class this summer, and even though i'm a few years older than them we all just seem to mesh so well. it has been great getting to know them, as they are such fun to be around and also have the same career goals as i do. we've been rock climbing, having study sessions, and last night we went downtown and had dinner at this awesome greek restaurant called Taverna Opa. basically, dinner consisted of running around the restaurant trying to do the "greek dance," throwing stacks of napkins in the air for the "napkin confetti" effect, and learning to bellydance on the table tops. i can't even remember the last time i had enough confidence to do something that bold in public, but last night i literally did not care what others were thinking of me. i was laughing hysterically, being totally silly, and not thinking at all about the other people in the room. i was living life like life is meant to be lived. to top off a great night, i also ordered what i was in the mood for (hummus, of course!) and not what i thought was the safer choice. my friends know about my eating disorder past yet act like i've been "normal" all of my life. no judgement whatsoever. and watching them with their food and listening to them talk about food taught me a lesson on healthy relationships with food. they talked about how hungry they were, how delicious their food was, and never once mentioned fat talk or feeling guilty for eating anything they ate. that, my friends, is a healthy relationship with food. the more time i spend with people who do have those healthy relationships, the more relaxed i become around food and more accepting of my body i become. also, i've begun to crave these types of relationships. what a concept, right? craving healthy friendships instead of craving hunger. who knew? it's sort of like once i tasted my definition of normalcy, the more i wanted that in my life. and maybe it's not even so much that i want to be "normal" as much as i want to be the person i believe i can be. i was looking back through some journal entries and activities that my therapist at laureate had me do, and one of those assignments really hit me. sarah had me write what i would do if i could live my life over again. as i was reading what i wrote a year ago, i found that somehow i've managed to do a lot of what i wrote in that activity. it was amazing to think that i could accomplish so many of those things just by becoming healthy again! that got me thinking about another time at laureate...i was having a session with sarah telling her how envious i was of another girl i was there with because she was so fun and spontaneous....everyone loved to be around her and she seemed so carefree. we talked about those being some of the qualities i've always wanted to possess and how i felt like i was the exact opposite. turns out, i wasn't the total opposite of this girl...i actually had very much in common with her personality wise. i just couldn't see it nor would i let that part of me show through because it meant letting go of control and perfectionism. through the process of becoming healthy and whole again, i've begun to embrace ALL parts of my personality and by doing so i can now see that i may actually be someone fun to be around, spontaneous, silly, and much more carefree than i've ever been before.
it never ceases to amaze me just how much can change by choosing to be healthy, and how all of this could disappear if i ever entertained the idea of going back.
today, i am thankful for relationships, and being able to enjoy them and have fun.
what are you thankful for? how has your life changed?
if not, what can you do to begin to make your life different?
much love.
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