"live with intention, walk to the edge..."

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
today has been tough.
i've been in a grumpy mood since i woke up, and just can't seem to shake it. i hate being in a bad mood because i know that i tend to be snippy and irritable and also know that the people around me pick up on those cues. i just have a lot going on and have been feeling emotionally overwhelmed lately. i'd be lying if i said i didn't have some old tapes running through my head. my mind proceeded to feed me all the lies i've been fed for the majority of my life, and initially i was taking them in instead of discarding them because they are no longer supposed to fit in my life. it blows my mind how easily those thoughts slip back in, almost without notice, and how natural they feel. i've spent so many years believing all those lies that i still find it hard to differentiate. this becomes especially hard when i am under stress. needless to say, it took me extra effort today to refute the lies and act opposite. it is easy to get discouraged when we encounter hard days, but i believe that those hard days are interspersed in our lives to remind us a) of how far we have come and b) the courage and strength we endow. as the quote above states, sometimes strength and courage are not amazing acts of bravery or taking a bullet for a stranger, rather they are the act of holding on when everything says to let go, or they are the times that we try, try again. these moments of strength and courage often go unnoticed by mean because they feel more like things i "have" to do...but i have choices. i always have choices. so when i choose to hold on, not let my emotions define my actions, or get back up after falling down i am acting courageously. someone once asked me what i liked about myself. my initial answer was, of course, nothing. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that i couldn't dispute the evidence that pointed to my level of strength and determination. i tried to justify my initial answer but i couldn't seem to do it. therefore, my courage is something i can always appreciate about myself, and something no one can take away from me.
i want to stress that having strength, determination, and courage doesn't mean everything always goes smoothly and there are no setbacks or slip ups. in fact, it is quite the contrary. i think it means that you have the resilience to try, try again and not let yourself become discouraged. the simple act of pushing through and putting one foot in front of the other is, in my opnion, the most courageous act one can do.
so at the end of a tough day in which i allowed myself to temporarily believe the lies my brain fed me and entertain the idea of once again controlling my emotions with actions, i find myself still standing, therefore actively being courageous.
today is what it is...get back up on your feet, gear up for tomorrow, and try, try again.
<3