i decided recently that recovery is lonely.
i know, you may be thinking, "blasphemy!" but let me explain.
after talking to several of my friends recently that were in treatment with me, i became discouraged. it seems like everyone is struggling, sick, or back in treatment and here i am, in my weight range, generally following my meal plan, and doing recovery.
i feel like my friends are falling left and right, though no judgement is placed here, please note that.
i care soo much about each and every one of the women i have met along the way, and wanted so badly for everyone to do well, and for us to all fight to regain our lives together.
wishful thinking.
so being realistic, i knew that not ALL of us would do okay after leaving, but I never expected for nearly everyone to slide back, and so quick.
but that's not really the point here, because i can't control others.
the point i want to make is that recovery can be lonely.
you tend to hear about the people that are struggling, and those struggling tend to have a sense ofcamaradarie with one another. i feel like the struggling is more often vocalized.
but what about those in recovery? we need to join together to support each other. personally, i'd like to hear more from people who are trying to stay in recovery, because it helps motivate me to stick to recovery.
i don't want to feel like i'm fighting a war and all of my platoon is falling down while i am still pushing forward. i know they say that those in recovery tend to just move on with their lives and disappear from the eating disorder world, but what if that changed. what if those in recovery started to vocalize their daily struggles, their triumphs, and they journey so others in recovery could feel encouraged?
this is what i wish i saw more of.
maybe that is wishful thinking, too.
or rather, wishful hoping.
anyway, just my thoughts for the day..
love,
LB
Talk to me woman! I still struggle sometimes, but I'm making it. LOVE YOU
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post and I often times feel exactly how you described. Not to say that I don't struggle, bc every day is a huge struggle, but I am doing better in recovery than I ever have, and even if I have set backs, I pick myself up and force myself to move on. I know that remaining stuck in the patterns that I have in the past has gotten no where that I want to be.
ReplyDeleteI was actually talking about this in therapy and I talked about how frustrating it is to see people stuck in the "identified patient" or "victim" mentality, and how many people I know seem to do things that beg for sympathy or coddling--wanting people to say things like "Stay strong sweetie, you can do this!!" or "I can completely relate, my therapist is going to be sooo mad at me this week, I might have to go ip" and then someone else chimes in "I don't think I can try anymore, I'm just going to go into the same downward spiral." And I used to feel the same way and give the same comments about saying strong and encouragement. Now I know that that only "feeds" the disorder and the illness' need for attention. I do care about all of my friends who are struggling, but I have stopped acting as I used to in exchange for a more blunt, honest reply to things they say.
I don't know if any of that makes sense, but I feel like I'm almost obligated to make those remarks because they were the kinds of things said to me that really got me thinking and unstuck. And now I feel like I relate better the those in recovery.
hey girl, I have been following your blog, and found this to be such a great post. I can really relate to a lot of what you said. I don't feel "shameful" for working toward recovery and not being back in treatment, but at the same time, people sometimes think you're okay - and this part of the recovery process is different, but just as hard!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I put off going out, so it's easier for me to eat my mealplan on my time by myself. Sometimes I need support but bc I'm not in treatment right now, I don't have that like I used to.
It's hard for people to understand what you could need help with now that you've been through IP.
But know that we're always here to listen and support. Keep following that plan, doing your thing, and reaching out when you need it to.
:)
I TOTALLY relate to that, and honestly, the only thing that has helped is removing yourself from those people. It's not mean, it's not cruel- it's saying that you are moving on from that time in your life and making a REAL life for yourself. Check out the book "Safe People" by Drs Cloud and Townsend.
ReplyDeletePS: I've maintained my weight now for the longest time ever in my life. You are DEFINITELY not alone, even if it feels like it.