my little vent...

Okay, this is going to be my one rant for a while...i just need to get this off my chest!

here is how my seriously frustrating day has been so far.
i was all excited because I was FINALLY getting to see a psychiatrist. I have been without one since coming back from laureate in september because there are only a few in my insurance network, and of those, I had to make an appointment 3 1/2 months out. So, i've been without a psych and without meds since leaving, but still have ever present depression and anxiety.

So, i go to the appointment and meet with the nurse practitioner first, who takes my info and gets my history and all. She asked what my primary concerns were, so I told her that I was struggling with depression and anxiety. Through gathering information, I had to say that I had an eating disorder, though made sure to stress that I am now in recovery and that isn't my main concern. So, we spent 45 minutes talking about my past and then she went to meet with the doctor. They both came back 10 minutes later to tell me that basically, they don't treat people with anorexia...and this is how the conversation went....I don't HAVE anorexia, i HAD anorexia...well, we still dont treat anorexia because there is no anorexia clinic nearby...i don't need a clinic, i'm in recovery! well, it shows here that you used to see Dr. Farmer, and he is now back in town. We will referr you to him and in the mean time write you a script for ambien and remron to help you sleep.....i wont take the remeron because i gain weight on it....eh, it will help you sleep. you should take it.....um, no thanks...

so yea, they refused to see me because i HAD an eating disorder.
ridiculous!
now, i'm going to have to schedule another 3 1/2 months out, to see someone not even in network and fork out MORE money that I don't have. I don't think so. Screw meds...who needs them anyway, right?
I am just amazed that psychiatrists, who have gone through med school and all, will not treat the most deadly of all psychiatric illnesses. I mean, that really isn't my main concern right now, but even if it was how can someone call themselves a psychiatric professional and then act like they have no idea what to do with an eating disorder. it just flabbergasts me.

anyway, i'm back at square one. no psychiatrist, no meds, and seriously everpresent depression.
now i just have to figure out how to keep the depression from interfering with my eating because they tend to go hand in hand for me. Untreated depression has always led to a relapse...lets keep the fingers crossed that it won't this time!

anyway, i just needed to vent...i'll write a real entry later.