Okay, so following up after my epic fail psychiatrist appointment...
I made an appointment with my primary care provider, who originally told me that I had to get all psych meds from my psychiatric provider, and finally got her to agree to write me a script for an antidepressant. I went to see her today, sat down and started talking about the meds I had tried. I told her which med has worked the best for me with the least amount of side effects, but as expected she shot it down. She said that I can't take it with my history of eating disorders. Funny, because I took it for well over a year in Tulsa, and it was prescribed my eating disorder doctor. Ugh.
Anyway, she wrote me a script for lexapro. When I asked her if lexapro affected weight, she said "well, its more or less weight neutral." I'm sorry. I don't like that answer. It either is or it isn't. I just kept my mouth shut, took the samples and walked out the door. Of course I started to cry once I closed my car door, a) because I am depressed and cry at the drop of a hat, and b) because I am too paranoid of starting new drugs to even give it a try. I am at the point where if I gain one more pound I will most likely go crazy anyway.
I got back to work and did some researching. One of the listed side effects is, indeed, weight gain. Scratch that off my list. I know this might seem a little extreme, but I have an eating disorder history. sometimes, my brain still feels eating disordered even if my behaviors aren't. Therefore, I freak out at the idea that a medication could potentially but might not cause me to gain unnecessary weight.
How sad is it that I am willing to continue to suffer the awfulness of the depression because I am too scared of medication related side effects?
I just wish there was an easy solution...a medication that for sure wouldn't cause weight gain. I wish I could trust that my body would respond properly and not go haywire. I wish that I didn't have depression, at all.
So yea, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should take the lexapro and risk gaining the weight, or do without the lexapro and risk things getting worse. I'm at a pretty fragile point with my body image as it is right now, so I really have no idea what to do.
Ahh, such dilemmas.
In other news,
I am still planning to move to Tulsa yet I'm running into more and more people that upon finding out about my plan to move try and convince me to stay here. Someone today asked me the positives of moving to Tulsa (which I had many), and the positives of staying here (which i had few) yet the more I think about leaving, the more doubt starts to creep in. I hate this! I finally made up my mind and made a decison, which is a big freaking deal for me, and now all these people telling me I should stay and the way my parents passively talk about "well, once your gone you wont get _____ all the time like you do here" just makes me start to doubt. it's the doubt that causes my anxiety to spike and then causes me to feel trapped and like I just need to escape the stress somehow. I was doing better once I had made up my mind and started working on my plan, but now I am back to doubting if the decision I am making is the right now. And funny, my anxiety is through the roof, my body iamge sucks big time, and my depression is worsening. Connection? I think so.
I guess I just wish that people here would be more supportive of my decision. I mean, maybe this is exactly what I need in order to grow and become independent and figure out how to finally be an adult. Maybe this could be my time to really do something with my life. Yet, I don't feel supported at all. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe making the hard but necessary changes don't generally come with a lot of support. Maybe that is why they usually end up being so worthwhile - because you prove to yourself that you can do it...so what if other people think you can or can't. Maybe I am in for quite a surprise when I prove to myself that I can actually support myself and be okay.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyway,
a lot on my mind but that's no big surprise.
Just talking it out :)
Love y'all,
LB
I can definitely relate with all of the anxiety surrounding meds that might have "possible weight gain" as a listed side effect. I usually do the whole, looking up meds on line and doing all the research possible to PROVE that a med could cause weight gain so I can throw it in my psych's face for "lying" to me...immature, I know.
ReplyDeleteAbout the lexapro, I have been on it for 4-5 months and have had zero weight related side effects, and have found that most SSRI's that I have been on have really not affected my weight/appetite. Of course, every person reacts differently to different medications, but my personal experience is that it has not caused me to gain weight. It has been my intake that has affected my weight, not my meds. And at the time that I started lexapro, I was on about 3 other meds which I had been on consistently for at least a year each, so I basically had that to fall back on as my control (ie- those meds stayed the same, the only change was the addition of lexapro.
Hope that helped!!
Why do you have to have support/consent to move to Tulsa? Be your own support...you're pretty damn strong, pretty damn smart, pretty damn dogged. Actually, not pretty damn, you are damn amazing. Since when do we need other people's consent to breathe?
ReplyDeleteSomeone once told me that while my parents may offer me love, they may never be the people I will get support from. They don't have that to offer me a lot of times because their lack of support is buttressed by their fears of what could happen to me. They can't and never will be able to fulfill that role for me, so I'm learning not to expect it and instead take what they do have, love, and get my support from other people and places.
And about the weight gain and lexapro...I'm going to do a little research tonight. Will return with more info.... :)
Ok, side effects of...
ReplyDelete>10%:
Central nervous system: Headache (24%), somnolence (6% to 13%), insomnia (9% to 12%)
Gastrointestinal: Nausea (15% to 18%)
Genitourinary: Ejaculation disorder (9% to 14%)
1% to 10%:
Central nervous system: Fatigue (5% to 8%), dizziness (5%), abnormal dreaming (3%), lethargy (3%), yawning (2%)
Endocrine & metabolic: Libido decreased (3% to 7%), anorgasmia (2% to 6%), menstrual disorder (2%)
Gastrointestinal: Xerostomia (6% to 9%), diarrhea (8%), constipation (3% to 5%), appetite decreased (3%), indigestion (3%), vomiting (3%), abdominal pain (2%), flatulence (2%), toothache (2%)
Genitourinary: Impotence (2% to 3%)
Neuromuscular & skeletal: Neck/shoulder pain (3%), paresthesia (2%)
Respiratory: Rhinitis (5%), sinusitis (3%)
Miscellaneous: Diaphoresis (4% to 5%), flu-like syndrome (5%)
<1% (Limited to important or life-threatening): Abdominal cramps, acute acute renal failure, aggression, agitation, agranulocytosis, akathisia, allergic reaction, allergy, alopecia, amnesia, anaphylaxis, anemia, anger, angioedema, anxiety, apathy, aplastic anemia, appetite increased, arthralgia, ataxia, atrial fibrillation, bilirubin increased, blurred vision, bradycardia, bronchitis, cardiac failure, cerebrovascular accident, chest pain, choreoathetosis, concentration impaired, confusion, cough, delirium, delusion, depersonalization, depression aggravated, dermatitis, diabetes mellitus, diplopia, disorientation, DVT, dysarthria, dyskinesia, dysphagia, dyspnea, dystonia, dysuria, ecchymosis, edema, epistaxis, erythema multiforme, extrapyramidal symptoms, fever, flushing, gait abnormal, gastroenhteritis, GERD, GI hemorrhage, glaucoma, hallucination, heartburn, hemolytic anemia, hepatic necrosis, hepatitis, hot flashes, hypercholesterolemia, hyper-/hypoglycemia, hypertensive crisis, hypertension, hypoesthesia, hypokalemia, hyponatremia, hypotension, INR increased, irritability, jaw stiffness, leukopenia, lightheadedness, limb pain, liver enzymes increased, liver failure, malaise, menorrhagia, menstrual cramps, migraine, mood swings, muscle cramp, muscle stiffness, muscle weakness, myalgia, mydriasis, myocardial infarction, myoclonus, nasal congestion, nervousness, neuroleptic malignant syndrome, nightmares, nystagmus, orthostasis, palpitation, pancreatitis, panic reaction, paranoia, Parkinsonism, phlebitis, photosensitivity, priapism, prolactinemia, prothrombin decreased, psychosis, pulmonary embolism, QT prolonged, rash, rectal hemorrhage, restless legs, restlessness, rhabdomyolysis, seizures, serotonin syndrome, SIADH, sinus congestion, sinus headache, spontaneous abortion, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, suicidal tendency, suicide attempt, syncope, tachycardia, tardive dyskinesia, thrombocytopenia, thrombocytopenic purpura (idiopathic), thrombosis, tinnitus, torsade de pointes, toxic epidermal necrolysis, tremor, urinary frequency, urinary retention, urinary tract infection, urticaria, ventricular arrhythmia, ventricular tachycardia, vertigo, visual disturbance, weakness, weight gain/loss, withdrawal syndrome
ReplyDeleteOk, that was a little long-winded but all in all, weight gain OR loss occurs in less than 1% of patients. Less than 1% is UBBER UBBER rare. So I haven't seen all that many patients, but I've never seen or heard of a patient on lexapro who had the side effect of wt gain. Tons who stopped having orgasms or had ejaculation troubles...but never wt gain. The drug companies overload side effects into the <1% category so they don't get sued for something they didn't warn about. That's why the list is so freakin long.
And a study of girls with anorexia who took lexapro compared with girls with anorexia who were given a placebo...course, these girls were super underwt (BMI <16) and so they were on meal plans to gain weight. The study found that girls on lexapro and those not on it who had the same meal plans had no difference in wt gain. So...the study determined that weight gain had nothing to do with taking citalopram - it was because of the meal plan and tube food. "Weight gain did not, therefore, seem to be a specific effect of citalopram, as also reported for fluoxetine in previous studies (Ferguson et al., 1999; Kaye et al., 1991)."
Ha, this is going to be the nerdiest and longest post ever. Not trying to be all uppity and scientific, but heck, we all always look at the fine print anyways. So there is!
Ash said everything better than I would.
ReplyDeleteEthically, or legally they are bound to report every single side effect that occurs. For example, if death had ever occurred from someone on medication X, they have to report that too.. but that doesn't mean the med itself was responsible, especially if it occured in 1/100000000 people!
And.. I took Lexapro/Cipralex at my lowest weight and it didn't affect my weight or ED one bit. I have a lot of friends who have been on various meds and no one I know has ever been weight affected by it.
You know if you gain weight on it you can always stop the medication before you gain more than 1 lb, right.........
I've never been on Lexapro LB and honestly one of the reasons I have stayed away from it in the past was my fear of weight gain. However I have found medicine that works well for me now. What I can tell you is that the percentage of those that have that side effect is very small as I am sure you are well aware of after all your research! I am not sure if you have made a decision about it yet or not but by the way you have been describing your moods and depression I doubt it would hurt to give this med a shot. Seriously, I just think about how horrible my depression gets when I am not on my meds or miss a day and it really messes me up. In the fall I chose to lower one of my meds due to another side effect I was feeling and it turned into a relapse. Looking back altering my meds was not worth the rest of my well being if that makes sense. I know that your depression and urges to restrict are closely correlated as are mine and I would hate to see that you struggle so much when you have something that has the potential to make life feel a bit more tolerable you know? At least try it until you find another psych or another med. It really worries me that you have been unable to find a psych and have been off meds for so long. Keep holding on. I hope you find a good psych soon! I am so sorry about your horrible experience. I've had my share of idiot "professionals" and it can feel so discouraging!
ReplyDelete